Leo. Birthdays. Ethel Barrymore, If people never did silly things nothing intelligent would ever get done. - Rabindranath Tagore. Covering all the latest headlines and full reports Best funny quotes selected by thousands of our users! Ellen DeGeneres, Follow your passion. Milton Berle Click to tweet, When my wife says she’ll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. (Provérbios 8:34) So basically, it’s just like the iPhone. Stanley Randall. I definitely want to contribute to that. It helps to remember that. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. Stephen Colbert, Contrary to what people may say, there’s no upper limit on stupidity. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment. Kevin Hart (Video), First off, my kids know I’m a big deal. Mark Twain, A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Words of Wisdom. Imagination will take you everywhere. Men cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter. “Fuck it.” That’s really the attitude that’s keeps a family together. This is another one of those funny words of wisdom that hits the nail on the head. Jerry Seinfeld, Behing every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Tom Bodett, Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Everyone needs to comedic relief from time to time, especially when navigating the woes of life. Steven Wright, I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. If you ran like your mouth, you’d be in good shape. Ellen DeGeneres, Life is short. Wisdom is having knowledge and experience that often comes from trial and error. I’m not arguing. I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. Winston S. Churchill, When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. ", "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. Steven Wright Click to tweet, I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money. Second place is first loser. Milton Berle, When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble. It terrifies everyone. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Kids are like buckets of disease that live in your house. These words of wisdom can help guide your life. Never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Tina Fey, Blorft’ is an adjective I just made up that means completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Bill Watterson, Never go to bed mad. I don’t need a thinner phone. Robin Williams, Our job is improving the quality of life, not just delaying death. I’m at the age where everyone has kids, and I ask them, ‘Is it like a puppy?’ And they go, ‘It’s 10 times a puppy.’ Jimmy Fallon, I’m going to North Pole to help out Santa this year. A daily, constant flow of wisdom, experience and learnings from others who understand the world deeply; who had glimpses in its various corners and understand its various nuances. Pablo Picasso, Puns are the highest form of literature. Social media channels keep our digital selves keep streaming together. ", "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars. No matter what you’re going through, it makes you forget about your problems. On the flipside, this quote is saying it’s okay to be a kid at heart. Woody Allen, Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. Well, these funny words of wisdom will put a light-hearted spin on some heartfelt issues. Groucho Marx, From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. You’re allowed to be silly. Gore Vidal, My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. Bill Watterson, My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5. They don’t have a choice. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near forty. Chris Rock, They say love is more important than money…Have you tried paying your bills with a hug? Ryan Reynolds, If you find me, please let me know where the hell I’ve been. Stephen Colbert, Here’s an easy way to figure out if you’re in a cult: If you’re wondering whether you’re in a cult, the answer is yes. Chances are there is someone else out there who’s experienced the same thing and can completely relate to you. A quick navigation between daily wisdom. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. Lean in real close and whisper, it’s much scarier. The prince was notably … Motivation in all aspects of life. Will Ferrell, Aren’t we all striving to be overpaid for what we do? Saved by Gavin Crombie. Funny Words of Wisdom - Funny Inspirational Quotes About Life "The secret of life is to appreciate the pleasure of being terribly, terribly deceived." Laugh. Change Wind Sails. If anything, people have lost more money over the years by spending recklessly than giving to others. Henry Kissinger, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Groucho Marx, Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women. Woody Allen, I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens. Jimmy Fallon, I just really don’t like being the center of attention that much. - Mike Murdock. George Carlin Click to tweet, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Words of Wisdom and Inspirational Quotes “Keep calm and be crazy, laugh, love and live it up because this is the oldest you’ve been and the youngest you’ll ever be again.”. Virgo. we collected the most energize 157+ Positive thoughts with images “The quickest way to acquire self-confidence is to do exactly what you are afraid to do.. Best Life quotes of the day about Inspirational sayings “Life is like a roller coaster. Unknown, I’m actually not funny. Polish Proverb, If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses. Aparna Nancherla (Twitter), In this horrible time, let us at least be bolstered by small miracles like finding out your ex moved to a different city. For f*ck’s sake, just do what makes you happy. … You have to go out there and figure out what you can do and can’t do. Everything in life isn't a joke, but you can't always be so uptight. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you. 73. Kevin Hart, Some sarcasm is best told simply. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore. Most of them would be too scared to even try. Will Ferrell, Who was the greatest prostitute in history? https://twitter.com/TFLN. Louis C.K. Saying ‘yes’ is how things grow. Ellen DeGeneres, Embrace who you are. About Us. Growing old doesn’t equate to getting boring and grumpy. In other words, don’t let your size, age, or social class make you feel inferior. Spender (19) 2. Rodney Dangerfield, Marriage…it’s not a word, it’s a sentence. He’s basically saying that even when things seem wrong, there’s something going right, even if you don’t see it. Programming paradigms have become indispensable lenses for software engineers in today’s big data age. Bill Murray Click to tweet, I’m writing a book. Stephen Colbert, In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. So to keep you healthy and happy literally, enjoy these 300 funny quotes and get laughing. Daily Life; Inspiring People; Book Club; An Edgy, Funny, ‘Great’ Novel. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn’t stop until you get to school. Discover (and save!) These funny words of wisdom from Franklin Roosevelt provide the perfect analogy for how to get through hard times. The important thing to remember is that it’s okay to be authentic and embrace all facets of yourself and your life. The same applies when you are stupid. Kathy Lette, When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason. Ludwig Wittgenstein, Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain. Rodney Dangerfield Click to tweet, What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. And you feel something that makes you almost want to smile. Groucho Marx, A two-year old is kind of like a blender, but you don’t have any top for it. I don’t take orders. You found it offensive? Groucho Marx Click to tweet, I have nothing but respect for you – and not much of that. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head. Eddie Murphy, If you have a flop movie, so what? Ryan Reynolds, Airplane toilets are aggressive. 40 Quotes About Growing Old And Staying Young At Heart . Explore 1000 Daily Quotes by authors including Zig Ziglar, Pablo Picasso, and John C. Maxwell at BrainyQuote. iPhone/iPad app. Stephen Colbert, Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. Each post takes less than 2 minutes to read, but the daily ritual of attending to these writings can be enormously fruitful. Words of Wisdom. Chris Rock, Only dumb people try to impress smart people. As your best friend I’ll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing. "Bem-aventurado o homem que me dá ouvidos, velando às minhas portas cada dia, esperando às ombreiras da minha entrada." 3. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here. Your life sucks around the phone. Click to tweet, I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. A meaningful life is not about being rich, being popular, being highly educated or being perfect…it is about being real, being humble, being strong and being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others.” “2. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. No. I hate necks. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. Jerry Seinfeld, Knowledge is like underwear. Greenville Kleisser, Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments. Kevin Hart, These glasses are way 2 big for my damn face! Jun 13, 2013 - This Pin was discovered by Jada Yarnall. See: Today | This Week | This Month | All Time 1. Bette’s quote is the perfect analogy for how even “small” people can have big impact. ", "The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. Period. Jim Carrey, My focus is to forget the pain of life. Wisdom is the invisible gift that makes our lives better on planet earth. Words of wisdom can be just the thing you need to get out of a sticky situation, or to avoid one. Alan Alda, Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage. Louis C.K. Steve Martin, Nothing is creepier than a bunch of adults being very quiet. February 08, 2016 No Comments . No one said that wisdom couldn't be humorous. Robin Williams, If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. If you’re laughing, I defy you to be afraid. Steve Martin, Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them more. Wisdom To Heal the Earth. I’m sure you’ve been bitten several times but a mosquito, and it didn’t matter if it was 50 times smaller, it still caused you agony. Robin Williams, See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. 5 min into this show, it feels like you’ve been fucked to death by a thousand pillows. Zach Galifianakis, I think those neighborhood signs that say ‘slow children playing’ are so very mean. If anyone can give funny words of wisdom, it’s Lucille Ball! Here is our list of funny words of wisdom. Anonymous says: February 12, 2019 at 6:40 am . DaySpring Flip Calendar - Billy Graham Wisdom for Each Day As you spend time alone with God, these daily devotionals by Billy Graham will help strengthen you and give you the wisdom needed to live boldly for Christ and grow stronger in your faith. Everything is a team effort. Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky. It’s not “We love each other!” It’s “Fuck it.” Louis C.K. Paulo finds a way to sum up life in an incredible way. You’re never going to learn until you fail. Fran Lebowitz, My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. We have everything to live for. Steve Martin, First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. You want to be around people who are soaring high in life and exuding excellence! Jimmy Fallon, If you’re a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. Greg Tamblyn Click to tweet, If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. La panoramica comprende dati come grafico del prezzo, prezzo attuale, chiusura precedente, volume, variazione su base annua, capitalizzione di mercato, ROI, rendimento dividendi e altro ancora. These funny wisdom quotes are specially selected from experts to ease your tension. Jimmy Fallon, ‘Have fun’ is my message. Cancer. Eddie Murphy, I’m sadistic. I make liberals cry (4) There’s not much going for them, and they’re not really going anywhere other than to the Thanksgiving table. If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you. Ellen DeGeneres, It’s funny how the universe guides you to where you’re meant to be. Stephen Colbert, There’s an old saying about those who forget history. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning. Coffee, chocolate, men. Carrie Underwood, When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. Below you will … The Voice Of Experience Can Be Sometimes Funny and Sometimes Thought Provoking Will and Guy hope you will enjoy these examples of wisdom, knowledge and experience. You’ll realize this as soon as they are born and start using sleep deprivation to torture you. Steven Wright Click to tweet, The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. Within the landscape of Internet of Things (IoT), support is provided for communication among devices and protocol through means of wireless and LAN connectivity. Isaac Asimov, Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. JOIN US ON FACEBOOK. Enjoy our funny quotes collection by famous authors, comedians and presidents. Related topics: Inspirational Live-By. Let the wisdom of these quotes motivate you each day of your week. I’m not sure how I got there. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. 76 Copy quote. Focus on the positive. Oct 13, 2015 - Explore Annie's Homegrown's board "Daily Wisdom", followed by 17199 people on Pinterest. It is nonsensical, illogical, emotional, ridiculous, and practically foolproof. I am crazy. Daily Horoscope : 3/8/2021 Aries. I hope it will last. Zsa Zsa Gabor Click to tweet, If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something. Alfred Hitchcock, Do not take life too seriously. Not only that, there’s nothing wrong with laughing at yourself. Dave Barry, Feminine intuition is a fiction and a fraud. Ricky Gervais, My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela. Some people are like clouds. And in Lucille’s case, she had to be brave enough to face the world and showcase her talent in a humorous way. It would be an oversimplification to assert that the digital transformation has been caused by techno-capitalism alone. Read them once, and you will find them interesting. Have friends. your own Pins on Pinterest It’s your life that sucks. And if that’s the case, try a different method of handling your situation. Miracles start to happen when you give as much energy to your dreams as you do to your fears. Chris Rock, You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. We understand that life can sometimes get you down, so we hope these quotes were able to make you laugh. Learn more. The quotes are updated daily. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? If you liked reading these funny words of wisdom, share this post of your social media and leave us a quote below! Get good at it. Mitch Hedberg, Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make men stupid. I’m calling from so-and-so’s office…’ What kind of person would ever, ever let the phone ring 75 times? However, there are lots of eternal brakes. You gotta keep it away from your eyes… Obviously, it’s a challenge to make light of the darkness but, um, it’s better than crying about it. You can’t do nothing by yourself. Sorry for being late. Visit the quotations page for more quotes. Woody Allen, Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. But if you’re available, life gets huge.